Saturday, December 27, 2008

Hello 2009

Another year has come and gone. I stared at the ceiling and thought about how things have changed this year. Then I started picturing them inside my head as I start to laugh and decide that I'm going to make a list to enumerate things that have happened to me this year. Significant ones that I would love to generously share...

So here is my list... (it's in no particular order... just by the way I remember them.)

1. My youngest brother beat me to chess... because I was overconfident that he's just 4 years old. Hmph! And guess what. He used the "fool's mate!" That only proves what I am that day. haha!

2. We went to Mindoro during summer vacation. It was one of the best adventures our family had.

3. I joined the Carolinian Youth Ministry (CaYM). And the overnight orientation was awesome. I really learned a lot from that experience.

4.I had my 18th birthday party last August, and I'm officially legal. But I'm still prohibited to go bar hopping with my friends. So that deprives me with the night life. But I'm allowed to drive. Very! Only that my daddy said that I was a hot-head and that I could not be a satisfactory driver. Too bad.

5. My youngest brother (again) beat me to karaoke and he scored 100 when he sang "Always be my baby" by Mariah Carey. I guess the scoring was kinda biased because all I heard him sing was the "do do doop" parts and some slurry lyrics. But anyway, he hit the notes right.

6. For the first time, my mom and I watched a movie together. Just the two of us like a date. And coincidentally, the movie was entitled "For the first time" starring KC Concepcion and Richard Guttierez. hahaha...

7. I had my first on being "maid of honor" during my Tita's wedding... and I don't think that went quite well. Don't ask.

8. I'm really going to be married. hah! I was the one who got the "Congratulations, you will be the next bride" paper during my tita's wedding. But mind you, I'm not tying the knot this coming 2009, and not even these 2010 or 5 to 10 years later than that. Promise!

9.I had my own personal song recording, but my family were the only person to hear it.

10. Sadly, I wasn't able to complete the misa de gallo. Unlike last year... I guess I'm slacking so much this year. Tsk2x...

11. I'm kinda more bookish this year but they were not really related to academics. I guiltily admit this.

12. I am not so shy anymore. ( wahaha... I guess that wasn't kinda obvious... but honestly.) Because I had more friends now than last year. I think.

13. My eyebrows aren't "virgin" (what a word) anymore, because the beautician did not ask my permission that she would shave them. And I was shocked when I realized the damage done.

14. I'm trying very hard to lessen my procrastination. But it just got worse this year. (*Sigh)

15. We bought an electric fan, and won another one in a raffle. We bought a new fridge, and we also won another fridge in another raffle. Whoo! I guess that's life.

16. Most of our appliances seem to malfunction a lot this year. I'm not exaggerating. The TV, DVD player, Printer, Scanner, Computer Monitor, an Electric fan, and the Fridge. That's when we bought another one then luck just chose to barge in (see number 15) .

17. I started to like songs that I used to think were weird like ones by Paramore, Linkin'Park or Collective Soul... Or some of the rnb songs. But I still really hate those gangstah songs where babies/children sound at the beginning of the song. I still think "whatever" and roll my eyes.

18. I became addicted to some animes that I dream about them now. And honestly I've learned quite a lot from their stories.

19. I had my first go at playing bowling... All by myself. Umm... not really, I brought one friend but she just watched me play. That was after we watched "Twilight".

20. I am more open this year than last year, and this list just proves that, don't you think? But I'm keeping the face-redding, cheek-hotting, experiences I have this year. Just for your benefit. Haha...

Memory of the Past

"I'll keep on living in this never ending snow, so the dreams I shared with you will never melt away."

This was what Hatori Souma said... and it really touched me so much that even though I have heard this line on one of the scenes of an anime (Fruits Basket), I think that it is an unbearable thing for such a character to have a sad past. And a bittersweet one in addition to that. I can't help but cry seeing that scene with Hatori...

Preserving a memory of the past that you really don't want to let go, you keep that memory within you, with great belief that it's okay to hold on. Even though the person you have been offering these dreams has been long gone.

But it's also sad, knowing that the emptiness in your heart, brought about by that snowstorm would not be easily healed... It's too sad, knowing that no matter how hard you would want to wait, Spring would not come.

And the feeling is so painful that it's really better to forget. But Hatori opted to be trapped in that everlasting snow. A snowstorm where the memories would forever circle and engulf him forever.

This was his choice. But did he really make a good one? Why wait for something you know you can't have ever again? I wanted to question him, but then I realized that that's what love really is. That it's willing to make sacrifices no matter what happens. Love let's go, but there will always be something to remind us that it once existed. There is no point in denying that.

What Hatori feels was too great a memory of the past that it did survive in that space where he wanted it to be... forever preserved and untouched.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Facing the Deep Blue

It’s a nervous thought. It’s really scary, looking beyond tomorrow and imagining what would happen to us in the future. I guess we really can’t help it, especially because all of us have that certain fear of the unknown. Here we are in college, preparing ourselves for the big “it” (The greatest turning point in our lives). Our performance in college would be the greatest basis of what we will be in our premium years.

When I think about it, I often end up with the most stupid but accurate analogy of sea turtles. I don’t know, but the more I think about it, the more I can relate our very lives (as students) to that of the sea turtles’.

By the time sea turtles are lay by their parents, deeply buried and hidden beneath the sand, they wait for the time that they are hatched. Sometimes, they don’t even reach that stage because of certain predators that eat them while they are still inside their shells… and at that stage; they die, without even the idea of how great the deep blue is.

Lucky sea turtles make it to another stage, and they experience the breath of life. Excited, they all crawl and make their way to the greatest adventure of all, to face the deep blue. Rushing through the shore, all one hundred of them are ready to become "Ambassadors of the sea". They want to explore it so badly that they didn’t notice the arrival of sharp-toothed sharks. They happily enjoy the warm water and then… the next second, they are already being attacked by those cruel predators. A bountiful number of sea turtles would narrow down to ten. It is now such a small number compared to how many they were from the very start.

Our parents carefully prepared us for our individual breakthroughs. Just like the sea turtles, we have been concealed and protected against those certain “predators” in our lives; predators that would cause us to drop school or put an end to our existence… (You know what I mean). Nowadays, most of us look for our predators instead of the other way around. For example, when we feel like having that certain urge to stay in bed the whole day instead of preparing for school, or going to the mall with our peers even though we still have huge piles of paperwork or projects on our desks; we place ourselves as very delicious meals for these predators that would hinder our success. And I think the difference between us and sea turtles is that they can’t do anything about their ill fate while we have complete control about everything that would happen to us.

Our life story doesn’t end there. What about the ten sea turtles that survived? They would compete against each other as they travel. Some would circle the world while some would die trying. Some would even stay on safe zones. These injured sea turtles are just like us when we continue our battles after graduating and earning a degree in college, and eventually we would succeed in what we really want…

Facing the deep blue, the sea turtles would have a look of contentment on their faces, and a grin which says, “I did it!”


Monday, October 20, 2008

Wounded Wings


They say that "the person who cares most about you would see your sadness when everyone is bathing with your smile…" but wait, isn’t this saying wrong?

When you are smiling, NO ONE will ever see that you are sad, unless, they are psychic or when, even for a short time, you would give up and go out of your shell and just cry. That’s when someone or everyone could see that you are sad, right? How does one act when misery strikes, by the way? Smile like nothing’s wrong?

So we’ll end up with these basic questions:
  • ·“What is wrong with crying, anyway?”

  • ·“Why are many of us so afraid of letting others see our tears?”
Regarding the first question, I could say that there’s really nothing wrong with it. I know that it’s good to cry, to pour out feelings kept back, and to be able to grow and learn. But sometimes, crying could trigger self-pity, which is a ghastly thing. So let’s just cry and let the world see that we’re sad! Also, to let others comfort us with nice soothing words and advice. Crying could also help us give to others the signs that we are mourning, that we’re broken, that we need to be mended… That’s the beauty of our tears…

I don’t really mean crying in public and all that sniffing your nose with all those anonymous people around you. I just mean that it would be best to open up to someone you are comfortable with, whom you really trust and confide in. That’s what this post is all about, opening up oneself to somebody you trust. To let them see your tears and share your troubles.

I don’t believe that there is no hope… There would always be hope as long as we’re still breathing. But then again, there are many fiascos in out lives that we sometimes find hard to overcome, that we really think that that’s a really great rock that we need to put on our weak backs. “There’s no hope”, we often say, but the truth? There still is, only that we are too overshadowed by our own fears that we fail to see that colorful rainbow in our midst.

So what do you do when problems strike?

1. Hurry to the bedroom.

2. Punch the pillow.

3. Cry on it…And after getting it a little damp…

4. Open the organizer/diary/whatever, and scribble with your favorite pen, and just plan things out…

And after minutes of comforting yourself…

5. Hurry outside the room and look as if nothing happened.
Do you think you had solved your problem? Of course not! Doing this would not even pierce through the surface of sorting them out. Instead of doing this nonsense I have listed, Why not call a friend and speak out, and NEVER be afraid to let her/him see or hear you cry?

I don’t really regret leaving the first question with a question again. It’s like questioning every question that you encounter. Anyway, I want to leave it that way so that there would be things to be pondered on, and to be more mind boggling, don’t you think? =p

Moving on… The second question is difficult to answer because each person, on his/her own way would find my answers so blunt because I myself could not find a proper explanation on why we are afraid of others seeing our tears.

But I’m making this list anyway.

1. We are shy.

2. We don’t want to make a fuss.

3. We would be dubbed “crybaby”.

4. We would be labeled “immature”.

Or a simple answer to the question…

5. We are just afraid.

So what? At least we’ve found a way to pull out the thorns that have been aching us. These “labels” about us could only be temporal so why bother? Why sacrifice and keep all the tears? There’s no point in saving them anyway. Whatever our reason is, for fighting back the tears, we’ll just accept that we screwed up. But we should always remember that there’s still hope… umm… I’m saying this same thing again, but anyway, “I think it would be best to let others know our burdens, because when we need to fly again, we can’t do it with wounded wings... ”

…so let us cry and beg for help because we can’t heal alone.